Random Miyu Stories I Wrote When I Was Hyper
by The Lady is a Vamp
Summary: Will Miyu ever seduce Larva? Will Larva ever finish reading Harry Poo-tter 5 through the eyeslits in his mask? Will the artist ever drop the 'no nudity' clause? Will you review this? How many questions can I fit in here?
1. Miyu gets jiggy wiv it

Hi guys! This is based on a conversation between me and LaDemon (her Miyu stuff is A-MA-ZING. Extra ZING for luck. Not that she needs it!)  
  
WARNING: MAY CONTAIN HUGE AMOUNTS OF CRAZINESS  
  
(Larva is busy reading Harry Poo-tter 4 but is having trouble looking through the eye slits in his mask. Miyu comes in and thrusts herself against the door frame in a 'ahem' risqué position.)  
  
MIYU: Why, hello there..... Larrrrrrrrva.  
  
LARVA: Hey Miyu.  
  
NARRATOR AND ARTIST: Miyu! Psst! Miyu!  
  
MIYU: What now?  
  
NAD: You know, up until this moment, Vampire Princess Miyu is the only Anime without nudity or sex! Keep it down! We have an award you know! (She holds up an Oscar-type figurine with a 'censored' sign over the groin area.)  
  
MIYU: Yeah, whatever. This dude is hot! I mean, Anime-al hot!  
  
NAD: MIIIIIIIIYUUUUUUUU!!  
  
MIYU: I'm a vampire princess! I can suck your blood! (Giggles annoyingly)  
  
NAD: (Clutches bleeding ears) NOOOOOO! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!  
  
MIYU: (To herself) He he he...... That should buy me some time. (She sits down by Larva) Hey Larrrrrrrrva. What chya reading?  
  
LARVA: (bored) Harry Poo-tter 4. I'm reading this one so I'm up to date when the next one comes out.  
  
MIYU: (angry) Oh, come on! Like you need to! The ginger one says something funny, the girl gets picked on, some monster is released, then defeated! Do you need to be up to date? LET'S MAKE LOVE!  
  
LARVA: WHAT???  
  
MIYU: You heard me Larrrrrrrrva! I've loved you ever since you took your mask off..  
  
LARVA: Miyu.. (points to the NAD, clutching her ears and the figurine)  
  
MIYU: Don't worry (seductively ^ O ^) she won't hear a thing....  
  
LARVA: Miyu..  
  
MIYU: (stripping and singing at the same time) I'M.. too sexy for my kimono.. Too sexy for my bow.. Too SEXAAAAAAY!  
  
LARVA: Stop it Miyu! (she stops and then pouts)  
  
MIYU: I knew it. You're gay, aren't you!  
  
LARVA: Never! I'm as straight as this line! (he draws a line and it wobbles.)  
  
MIYU: That doesn't look very straight to me. I knew it! (hits Larva with nearby pillow) You are gay! Why else would a guy over 12 want to read Harry Poo-tter??  
  
LARVA: It's not that Miyu... I think Ronald McDonald has a charming sense of humour! (Miyu wails)  
  
NAD: (loudly, to Larva) Has she stopped giggling yet?  
  
LARVA: Yes! She's crying cos I won't get jiggy with her! (Miyu wails and hits Larva with the cushion again)  
  
MIYU: Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!  
  
NAD: Miyu.. not many people swear in this either!  
  
MIYU: SHUT UP!  
  
NAD: Do you want to get erased??  
  
MIYU: Nooooooooooo!  
  
NAD: I'm doing it Miyu, it's coming down on the paper... (she rubs out Miyu's ear)  
  
MIYU: Oh, crap! I needed that! Couldn't you have just got rid of the fan?? Do I ever use it?? (Larva gives a thumbs up to NAD and continues to read) I need my ear to hear, you know! Hellooooooo? ANYONE? 


	2. Larva's frustration

Hi everyone! Glad you liked the first chapter! Here is the horror that is known as.. CHAPTER TWO!!  
  
Miyu is reading Harry Poo-tter 1 in secret. Larva prances in, something pink sticking out of his cloak.  
  
LARVA: What's that you're reading?  
  
MIYU: What's that you're wearing?  
  
LARVA: I asked first.  
  
MIYU: (sighs) Harry Poo-tter.  
  
LARVA: Ha! I never thought I'd see the day! (to himself) First she bites me, making her servant and then she reads my books. What's next?  
  
MIYU: So, what's under that cloak, Larva? Come on!  
  
NARRATOR AND DRAWER (I know it's artist but never mind): Yeah! Show us!  
  
MIYU: Quiet you. You already know. (Back to Larva) Do you want to take your cloak off?  
  
LARVA: No.  
  
MIYU: Do you want me to giggle?  
  
LARVA: NO! Ah, so THIS is what's next. (He sighs and takes off his cloak to reveal a pink tutu)  
  
MIYU: Oh my.. I never thought it was true. You ARE gay, aren't you? I should have known! You hang with Lemures WAAAAAAY too much, missy! Oh god, I'm not helping.  
  
LARVA: Miyu, I'm not gay. Ballet is a way to vent my seee...  
  
MIYU: Seee?  
  
LARVA: Nothing.  
  
MIYU: (Opens her mouth to giggle)  
  
LARVA: No! God, no. Okay. (mutters)  
  
MIYU: Pardon?  
  
LARVA: (mutters a bit louder)  
  
MIYU: I can't hear you!  
  
LARVA: (almost talking)  
  
MIYU: (throws her arms up) SAY IT LOUD AND SAY IT PROUD!  
  
LARVA: SEXUAL FRUSTRATION!! You happy now?  
  
MIYU: (Seductively) There is another way to vent that you know Larrrrrrva...  
  
NAD: Ahem. Miyu, have you suddenly forgotten the first chapter??  
  
MIYU: Hmph. (sits down on Harry Poo-tter) Bugger.  
  
NAD: Miyu! When you have to swear just use another word, like, I don't know... daffodils!  
  
MIYU: Daffodils?  
  
NAD: (To Larva) I think it's working!  
  
MIYU: Did Carlua put you up to this? I knew it! That ballet dancing bit-.  
  
NAD: (Coughs)  
  
MIYU: (Sighs) Daffodil.  
  
LARVA: No way! I love Carlua to bits! She's my ickle cousin!  
  
NAD: (Chuckles) Oh you're in for a surprise! 


	3. Miyu's birthday party

Miyu hacks pink balloons onto a cake while Larva tries to put up balloons but instead gently floats to the ceiling.  
  
LARVA: (Sighs) I don't see the point of this party Miyu. Your age isn't going to change. You're going to be 14 everyday!  
  
MIYU: Read the sign, Larva (she holds up a sign saying 'Fourever 14'), see what is says?  
  
LARVA: It's spelled wrong.  
  
MIYU: Never mind that! I'm never going to have a sweet sixteen or a fun fifteen so I'm having a forever 14! Cool, huh?  
  
LARVA: But the truth is you're about one hundred and...  
  
MIYU: (Brandishes the sign and steps n the cake) No! Stop there! I'm 14! 14!!! ^ _ ^  
  
LARVA: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Okay. 14. ^ _ ^;;  
  
NAD: He is right you know Miyu. There isn't any point.  
  
MIYU: What do you mean, no point?  
  
NAD: Just, you know. There's no point to anything. You know that bow you wear? I got bored.  
  
MIYU: (Shocked) How can you say that? On my birthday! What are you trying to say...?  
  
NAD: You... you were a mistake Miyu. I was bored and saw a cute looking guy in an advert, tried to draw him and came up with Larva.  
  
LARVA: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! (Thumbs up)  
  
NAD: Then I thought 'This guy needs a spunky sidekick, preferably one who'll get her clothes off at the drop of a hat.' Then you were born Miyu.  
  
MIYU: (Sits in the cake) Bugger.  
  
NAD: Um, I didn't plan her to swear.  
  
MIYU: Quiet you. (The doorbell rings)  
  
LARVA: Miyu, you okay?  
  
MIYU: (Straightens her skirt and stands up) Yes, I'm fine. Absolutely great. (She gets off of the table) Brilliant.. In fact I think I'll... (Slams face in cake) OH GOD I'M SO DEPRESSED! (The doorbell rings again)  
  
LARVA: I'll get that shall I?  
  
MIYU: (Full of woe) Spunky sidekick??  
  
Larva opens the door to find a hyper...  
  
YUI: Hi mommy!  
  
MIYU: How many times do I have to tell her?? I'm not her 'mommy'. (She points at the sky) SHE IS! THE BITCH!  
  
YUI: Bi-tch?  
  
NAD: I knew this would happen....  
  
LARVA: Shall we sit down? (They all sit round a small table) Here's my present, Miyu.  
  
MIYU: (Takes a box and opens it. Sarcastically) Oh goody. A cardboard box.  
  
LARVA: (Heartbroken) It was all I could afford....  
  
YUI: Here's mine, bitch!  
  
LARVA: YUI!  
  
MIYU: She takes after her mother.. (Opens the box) Oh. (She takes out a book. None other than Harry Poo-tter 3)  
  
YUI: I didn't think you'd have read that one, mommy bitch!  
  
LARVA: YUI!  
  
MIYU: Has the same ring as Moogle Chan doesn't it? Mommy bitch? (Far away a young writer reads a Miyu manga and has a great idea.....)  
  
LARVA: This was a bad idea.  
  
MIYU: Larva, let's get jiggy.  
  
LARVA: HUH?  
  
MIYU: You know, that box isn't all you can give me as a present...  
  
YUI: (Points to Larva and jumps up and down) Bitch! Bitch! You're Mommy Bitch's bitch!  
  
LARVA: I am so not!  
  
PERSON NEXT DOOR: Keep it down!  
  
YUI: (Points at the wall) Bitch!  
  
Far away a young writer drops her hat....  
  
MIYU: (Jumps up on the table and starts to strip on the cake) I'm too sexy for my kimono....  
  
NAD: Look at you! Larva is trying to convince Yui that he's not Miyu's bitch, like that's ever gonna work, Yui is jumping up and down saying 'bitch' the whole time and Miyu has just been told she's a mistake.. I really should sort this out. (Looks at TV guide) Oh well! Bye everybody!  
  
Sorry if that was a bit mad for some people's tastes but I was particularly hyper.. ^ _ ^;; he he he he he... 


	4. The Cinema Trip

Okay, if you haven't seen the OAV's then just don't read this chapter. Oh, screw it, read it anyway, but you might not get the cage bit..  
  
Miyu is tapping her foot as she waits impatiently outside the Odeon - The Abyss branch.  
  
Suddenly, a huge roar is heard and Larva comes round the corner on a motorbike, his long robe billowing out behind him. Unfortunately, it gets caught in his back wheel and he is catapulted off the bike and lands at Miyu's feet.  
  
LARVA: Hi Miyu.  
  
MIYU: You're late. And what's with that thing? (She points to the motorbike)  
  
LARVA: It's from my retire- never mind. Shall we go in?  
  
MIYU: I thought you'd never ask.  
  
(In the Foyer)  
  
LARVA: So what do you want to see? I've heard good stuff about Lord of the Rings.  
  
MIYU: It's all just myth and folklore! Hobbits? Never heard of them! Aha! Shinma Wars Episode 3: Bugger All. My kind of thing.  
  
LARVA: Um, Miyu, did it ever hit you that I'm a Shinma? I'm uncomfortable with them all being killed right before me.  
  
MIYU: Why did you apply for this job then?  
  
LARVA: Didn't. You bit me. You bitch.  
  
ARTIST PERSON OR NAD: Larva! I never thought!  
  
LARVA: Hey, you said this could be a day off!  
  
APORNAD: (Mumbles)  
  
LARVA: As I was saying, I never asked to be your slave until eternity.  
  
MIYU: Well, why don't you quit?  
  
LARVA: It pays well. Anyway, I already ha- never mind.  
  
MIYU: So, Two Weeks Notice?  
  
LARVA: Very funny. Let's see Chicago.  
  
MIYU: I knew it! You are gay, aren't you!  
  
LARVA: No way, I fancy the cast.  
  
MIYU: What, all of them?  
  
LARVA: No! I'm seeing it for Rich- enee Zelwegger! That's it! (Mumbles) She's so hot....  
  
MIYU: I don't know whether that's better or worse. Let's watch it then. (They approach the ticket booth)  
  
LARVA: Hi, one Shinma and one vampire princess for Chicago please.  
  
SPOTTY GUY: Excuse me sir, I can't see your face, can you bend down a bit?  
  
LARVA: (Sighs and gets down on his knees. He's now 4 feet tall) Better?  
  
SG: Not really. Could you take your mask off?  
  
LARVA: No. You see women fall at my feet if I do that.  
  
SG: Oh. Okay! Could you show me some ID please?  
  
LARVA: (Gets out driving licence)  
  
SG: Thank you. Enjoy the movie.  
  
(Larva gets up and bangs his head on the booth.)  
  
LARVA: Aw, crap!  
  
MIYU: I'm gonna get a Blood-E-Hell shake. You want anything?  
  
LARVA: Just a large tub of popcorn and a bottle of Coca-Cola, 'It's the veal thing!' please.  
  
MIYU: Why do you insist on saying the taglines?  
  
(In the screen)  
  
They edge their ways to the front. Larva sits down. He is 6 feet tall.  
  
GUY AT THE BACK: Down in front!  
  
LARVA: Okay! (His head slowly shrinks into his neck)  
  
MIYU: I never knew... Microscopic Larva!  
  
GATB: Do you realise how smutty that sounds?  
  
MIYU: Hell yeah! He won't sleep with me! (Larva isn't shrinking very fast. Miyu hits him and he creaks and stops.) That's it! In the cage!  
  
LARVA: Nooooo! (Miyu shoves him into a tiny birdcage. He's now 40cm tall) Ow... My kidneys.. Stay calm, Larva. Not much longer now...  
  
MIYU: What didya just say?  
  
LARVA: (Mumbles) Nothing.  
  
WOMAN AT BACK: Keep it down! Richard Gere is taking his pants off!  
  
LARVA: Really?  
  
WAB: Oh yeah.. you'd better believe it!  
  
LARVA: Oh yeah...  
  
MIYU: I knew it! (Miyu stands up and pokes Larva's small intestine) You fancy Richard Gere!  
  
LARVA: So do you.  
  
MIYU: You do have a point there...  
  
GATB: Down in front!  
  
MIYU: Quiet you, do you want me to giggle?  
  
GATB: No ma'am! Just get your gay friend to shut up!  
  
LARVA: Miyu, please.. just this once..  
  
MIYU: (Sighs) Uh.. Larva, write his name in fire..  
  
WAB: Hey! He isn't a Shinma!  
  
MIYU: (Pissed off) WRITE THEIR NAMES IN FIRE! (Larva tries to write their names but fails) What? Why can't you do it? Is it the cage?  
  
LARVA: No, Miyu, I've retired. (Everybody gasps)  
  
MIYU: How can you? You're supposed to be my servant until the end of time!  
  
LARVA: Yeah, but I'm not part of that stupid union anymore.  
  
MIYU: It all makes sense! Why else would you have copious amounts of money at your disposal?  
  
LARVA: That's insulting! I may be locked in a bird cage but I still have a lawyer!  
  
MIYU: There's only one way to settle this... 


	5. And in the red corner

LARVA: There's only one way to settle this....  
  
ANNOUNCER: Pro-wrestling! That's right you lil' bloodthirsty vamps! Sorry, no fun intended! Ha ha! I crack myself up sometimes... Anyway, on with the show!  
  
LARVA: (Huddled backstage in his cloak) Show? Is he f***ing crazy?  
  
LARVA'S AGENT, MOLLY: (Bad American-Italian accent) Camawn, Larver, baby, $10 we get for this! $10! No dawg food for us tonight, ech? Labech!  
  
LARVA: 'Labech'? You're Jewish now?  
  
MOLLY: If I am, I get an extra 15% cut on your pay, kapeesh?  
  
LARVA: (Patting her head from very high distance) Kapeesh, back to your roots, that's it... (She hands him a slice of pizza) Supoib, doll.  
  
ANNOUNCER: In the blue corner we have the cutest guy to hit the pages of Anime! That's right girls! (Mutters) And a few boys... Get ready to rumble with... LARVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  
  
LARVA: What is it with this 'Larverrrr?' My name is Lar-va, Lar-va!  
  
MOLLY: Camawn, you're on! (Molly pushes him forward and his cloak snags on her heel. Larva is now naked, apart from a pair of y-fronts with a picture of a boxer dog on them.) I told him to wear the Boxer shorts! Aw, labech...  
  
(Larva walks into the ring with Aerosmith playing 'Dude Looks Like A Lady'. The entire crowd starts to laugh at him.)  
  
LARVA: Oh, yeah, I geddit. Very funny. Ha ha ha. See! I'M LAUGHING, YOU BESTERDS!  
  
ANNOUNCER: (Coughs nervously) And in the red corner - she's a little minx -.  
  
LARVA: She tried to sleep with me! Twice!  
  
ANNOUNCER: - It's MIYUUUUUUUUUUUU!  
  
(Miyu walks in to Britney Spears' 'Oops I Did It Again' with slightly different lyrics...)  
  
MIYU: (Singing along) Oops I bit you again! I stopped your heart, got lost in the game, oh Larver, Larver.. (Larva mouths 'Lar-va, you bitch. Lar- va!') Look! Larva! Seeing as it's a special occasion, I'm wearing two ribbons! Look! (Miyu points to her feet)  
  
LARVA: That makes me feel soooo much better at this pivotal point in our professional relationship.  
  
MIYU: (Stroking her torso) Aw, c'mon, Larva. You know you want this.... You just don't know it yet.  
  
ANNOUNCER: Now, we're agreed on the rules? (Both nod) Okay, just to remind you of the stakes. (Miyu shivers) Sorry. Okay, Larva, if you win, you are free of being Miyu's slave for eternity. Miyu, if you win, Larva is your slave for eternity and occasional (reading rules) l-o-v-e monkey. (Miyu licks her lips. Larva gives a high pitched squeak) If it's a draw, or if Miyu bites you during the fight, Larva, you are her slave for another two years and love monkey twice a month. Agreed? Good. LET'S RUMBLE!  
  
(A bell sounds. Larva shakes a towel off his shoulders and pours Gatorade over his face. Miyu does the same except with water. A sizzling is heard.)  
  
MIYU: It's holy water! You besterd! (Larva smirks and Miyu trips him up. Larva comes back by flying to the ceiling and coming back down with an elbow jab into Miyu's back.)  
  
CREATOR OF MIYU (IN THE CROWD): Make that bitch your bitch, you besterd!  
  
LARVA: Miyu, this is hurting me a lot more than it is you.  
  
MIYU: Well then, stop it! Gettoffame!  
  
LARVA: No, apparently it's hurting you more. So I'm gonna keep on going.  
  
LEMURES (ALSO IN CROWD): (Mega sarcasm) Great come back line, Larva!  
  
LARVA: (Missing the mega sarcasm) Oh, thanks mate! (Lemures slaps his forehead)  
  
ANNOUNCER: 3, 2, and 1! And the winner is Larva! (Announcer pulls up Larva's hand with a very long broom)  
  
LARVA: I won! I won! I'm free! I'm going to Disneyland!  
  
MOLLY: I wouldn't get too cocky, Larver, schweetheart.  
  
LARVA: Why, you've decided to be Jewish? (Sound of teeth sinking into flesh) Oh, Miyu you bitch! I was free! I was going to Disneyland! (Walking out of the building) Why did you bite me? Was it the love monkey side of things? Just two years I guess.  
  
MIYU: Not quite. It's only two years longer if I bit you during the fight. And I didn't. NAR NAR NE NARNAR!  
  
LARVA: Oh god, I guess I'll have to take you home unless you have a problem with motorcycles. (He helps her onto the Harley Davidson. Zooming along the motorway, Miyu starts to sing....)  
  
MIYU: Oops, I bit ya again....  
  
LARVA: Must... Resist.. Urge... To... Kill... 


	6. Viva Las Vegas

Okay, any big Fresh Prince of Bel Air fans, elements of this ARE based on the Las Vegas episode, especially the talent show at the end. Please don't sue me!  
  
***  
  
Miyu and Larva are waiting at an airport. Miyu has a baseball cap with the Yankees' symbol on it and a rubber duck ring around her stomach. Larva has shades over the eyeholes of his mask, which looks, well, odd and is holding lots of suitcases and a fake stuffed donkey toy.  
  
MIYU: Remind me, where are we going again?  
  
LARVA: (Sighs) Las Vegas, Miyu.  
  
MIYU: Ooh, can't wait to play blackjack!  
  
LARVA: Or craps. Or roulette. Or poker..  
  
MIYU: I'm more of a slot machine person myself. Wait a second, why do we have all these inflatables when the only liquid we'll be near is sweet, sweet crimson nectar?  
  
LARVA: Only god knows.  
  
NAD: You mean me, right? Yeah, I'm god, puny mortals. Worship me! Ha ha ha ha ha! Mwa ha ha ha!  
  
LARVA: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... Anyway, Miyu, please keep blood sucking to a minimum. You're supposed to be on a blood diet. Only iron supplements for you.  
  
MIYU: Hmph. I knew I shouldn't have signed up with Molly. I'm not fat!  
  
LARVA: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.. Miyu, why are you humping my leg?  
  
MIYU: Don't ask.  
  
LARVA: I just did.  
  
MIYU: Well, I don't have to answer. Narnarnenarnar. (Throwing away the inflatables and putting on a visor over her baseball cap) Okay, gimme some chips! (Larva hands her a bag full of fries) Not those, Larva! (An announcement is heard faintly) Our plane! RUN!  
  
LARVA: I'm over 8 foot tall, Miyu. It'll be walking slowly for me and another thing.. Miyu? Miyu? Where have you gone? (Miyu is sucking somebody's blood) Aw, Jesus, gimme a break.  
  
(On the plane)  
  
MIYU: Ah, this is the life, ey Larva buddy?  
  
LARVA: (Completely scrunched up) So much for extra leg room.. (Mutters) A banana.. (Mutters) Scotch, lots of scotch - or scotch guard? Oh, the puzzles..  
  
MIYU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Need any help, madam?  
  
MIYU: No, but get my slave a cushion, huh?  
  
LARVA: No, too much pressure on spine already..  
  
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Perhaps your, ahem, slave will be more comfortable in this? (The attendant brandishes a birdcage)  
  
LARVA: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  
  
(At the casino)  
  
MIYU: Wow! This place is like some sort of..  
  
LARVA: (Rubbing neck) Casino?  
  
MIYU: I'm hitting the roulette table!  
  
LARVA: Don't abuse the furniture, Miyu.  
  
MIYU: Boo sucks to you, missy. See you at dinner! (She runs off)  
  
LARVA: Missy!? Oh well. Vacation! Time to have some fun. (Rocking back and forth) Doo dee doo doo.. (A couple of Japanese girls run up to him and start giggling and taking photos)  
  
JAPANESE GIRL #1: Take off your mask, Larva!  
  
JAPANESE GIRL #2: Take it off! Take it off! (She starts to take her own top off)  
  
LARVA: Please, put it back on! I'm sorry, madam, I don't think that would be a good idea-AGH! (They lunge at him)  
  
(At a gambling table)  
  
MIYU: (Shaking dice) C'mon! Lucky, lucky! Baby needs a new ribbon! (She rolls the dice. It hits the roulette table she is at)  
  
CROUPIER: Madam, do actually know how to play roulette?  
  
MIYU: (Humbled) You use dice and say stuff like 'Baby needs a new-.'  
  
CROUPIER: Please step away from the table, madam.  
  
MIYU: Aww.. If I'm not accepted here, I won't be accepted anywhere!  
  
RANDOM GAMBLER: Damn straight!  
  
MIYU: If only there was a game I'm good at.. Or knew how to play. Dammit! (She hits a slot machine. All the coins come tumbling out) Hot damn! (She sits down and starts to play..)  
  
(The lobby)  
  
LARVA: Where is she? These Japanese girls are starting to worry me.. (A pile of 'ooh-ing' and 'aah-ing' Japanese girls lie at Larva's feet, the only Westerner among them is none other than Miyu fic writer, LaDemon. Read her stuff, is good sheet, no?)  
  
MOLLY: Eh, Larva, baby, these hysterical goils are good for your career!  
  
LARVA: What career? My boxing career is down the pan, this one is gonna last me eternity and I think Miyu would just get jealous..  
  
MOLLY: No, Larva baby. Just put this on and follow me. (She hands him a showgirl's costume, complete with marabou feathers)  
  
LARVA: Aww, man!  
  
(A talent show)  
  
Larva is alone on the stage. He clears his throat. Molly gestures to him.  
  
LARVA: (Deadpan) I like being bitten and I cannot lie, you other Shinma can't deny, when a vampire princess walks in with a big useless fan and some sharp canines in your face you go, "Yo, bite me here! Say I'm a brotha in da hood, want you to suck my blood, cos it makes me feel hor-nay!"  
  
He tries a few high kicks, which fail and knock his head.  
  
SICK PERVERT IN AUDIENCE: Woo! Kick it, baby!  
  
LARVA: (Hissing to Molly) Why do I feel like I'm called Mimarin and I'm a member of a band called Cham?  
  
MOLLY: Just don't get paranoid, kill anyone or land a part in an erotically charged thriller. Oh, and I didn't do anything.  
  
LARVA: These feathers are coming out of your pay.. (Molly pushes him onto the stage) Ladies.. (He struggles to find some. The only ones are his Japanese fans, taking hundreds of pictures and giggling. They have slaughtered LaDemon, fearing she'd wreck their chances) and, ahem, gentlemen. For my next number.. Well, I'll just sing it, shall I? (Deadpan) It's raining yen, hallelujah! It's raining yen, hallelujah!  
  
MIYU: (From back) Get off the stage you idiot! (Larva obeys, much to the dismay of his fans both, ahem, male and female) Don't get mad at me.  
  
LARVA: Wouldn't even if I tried.  
  
MIYU: I ran out of money and had to pawn our tickets back home and your motorbike to fuel my obsession.  
  
LARVA: (Eyes nearly popping out of mask) Trying-trying-trying!  
  
MIYU: I don't know how we're going to get back home, Larva. I'm sorry.  
  
MOLLY: Hey, kiddos! (She points to the talent show sign - $1000 FIRST PRIZE!!)  
  
(The talent show - later)  
  
MIYU: (In a marabou costume. Deadpan, to the tune of 'I put a spell on you') I wrote your name in fire! And now you're mine! I sent you back to the abyss! Now Larva, honey, gimme a kiss!  
  
LARVA: Murph?!  
  
(This is too much for the fans. They all leap on Miyu and rip off the ribbon round her foot)  
  
MIYU: Dammit! Um, Larva, spare me a twenty?  
  
LARVA: Trying-trying-trying..  
  
Larva then sits bolt upright in his small apartment. A ghostly version of him in his showgirl costume appears at the window.  
  
GHOSTLY LARVA: Hee hee hee! I am the real Larva and you are incredibly dirty for taking off your clothes! (Larva's Japanese fan base bursts in through the door)  
  
JAPANESE FANS: He took off his clothes?  
  
LARVA: Murph!?  
  
Larva sits bolt upright in his apartment..  
  
LARVA: Oh, crap. I knew that costume would come back to haunt me.  
  
GHOSTLY LARVA: And I did indeedy doo!  
  
LARVA: Murph!?  
  
Sayonara!! ^__^ 


	7. Perfect Miyu! Or is it?

A bright sunny Tokyo day. Even the clouds of pollution did not manage to spoil the beautiful day (but they didn't know the horror that was about to hit them.)  
  
PERFECT BLUE: MIYU STYLE!  
  
(Several bats wearing tutus burst out of the screen. Press HERE for the graphics)  
  
What? Did you press it? I can't believe you fell for that, SUCK-ER! SUCKER, SUCKER, SUCKER SUCKER...  
  
YUI: SUCKER! I mean, bitch!  
  
LARVA: What are you doing in my house?  
  
YUI: You call this a house? Okay..  
  
LARVA: What?  
  
YUI: Eh, I got bored. You know your agent is a barrel of laughs!  
  
LARVA: Yes, (sigh) my pimp.  
  
YUI: 0.0  
  
LARVA: What?  
  
YUI: You do realise that you called your agent your pimp.  
  
LARVA: No! Of course I didn't- Oh, wait. Damn, I did do that didn't I?  
  
YUI: Or did you, Mommy Bitch's bitch? This is Perfect Blue - Nobody's sure what to think! I might not even be here!  
  
LARVA: Don't be stupid! (Larva looks around. Yui is gone.) Weird. Oh well, better get back to doing what I do best. (Gets out a tube of lubricant) Oh yeah.. That clogged up drain won't know what hit it! (The phone rings) Oh, better get that.  
  
Larva is suddenly on stage with two other girls in similar costumes, the costumes being pink tutus.  
  
LARVA: Huh?  
  
MOLLY: Larver, baby. Okay, the boxing career didn't work out as planned, nor did the slave for eternity thing, ech, but this is gonna be HUGE!  
  
LARVA: So is this if I stand next to these girls any longer!  
  
GIRL #1: (Who just happens to be LaDemon) Hey, he's not gay!  
  
GIRL #2: (Who just happens to be ME! MoogleChan!) Shh, keep your voice down. He's very temperamental. He could be gay any minute. Hey, aren't you supposed to be dead?  
  
GIRL #1: Yeah, you killed me off. Bitch! Hey, I'm Yui! (She clutches her throat and falls over dead. I mean really dead. Not coming back. Then again..)  
  
GIRL #2: Ha! That's what you get for messing with the author!  
  
LARVA: Hey, Molly, I hate to butt in but we're one person down.  
  
GIRL #2: Correction, one DEMON down.  
  
MOLLY: Hey, we have a replacement!  
  
LARVA: Who?  
  
MOLLY: ME! Oh this reminds me of the days when I was a singer, unfortunately my career didn't head off as planned and I became your manager. I also grew a huge amount of hatred for you. Which you shouldn't know about. Hey, where did you go?  
  
Larva is on stage with GIRL #2.  
  
LARVA+GIRL #2: It's what you do to me, do to me, do to me! You make my heart sing, heart sing, heart sing!  
  
MOLLY: Murph!? Wait! The announcement!  
  
LARVA: (Hissing) What announcement?  
  
MOLLY: That you're leaving Spam!  
  
AUDIENCE: Huh?  
  
MOLLY: That's right, Larva. You're leaving to become an actress.  
  
LARVA: Actor.  
  
MOLLY: Don't kid yourself, I mean, blue hair? Camawn!  
  
LARVA: (To audience) I regret to say ladies and, ahem, gentlemen I am leaving CHAM to become an actor. I have really enjoyed my two years in Cham. I don't know what I'm going to do so.. um well that's it. Start crying.  
  
AUDIENCE: BOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
RANDOM PUNKS: Hey! Spam! You suck! (They start throwing cans)  
  
LARVA: (Hissing) CHAM!  
  
RANDOM PUNKS: Oh, you Cham? Sorry, we're looking for Spam. They REALLY suck.  
  
LARVA: One concert hall along.  
  
RANDOM PUNKS: Thanks dude, you're really cool.  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: Hey! Get out of here! This is Cham's last concert together and I want it to be Perfect! (Blue)  
  
RANDOM PUNKS: We're sorry about the cans, we're leaving! We love Cham!  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: Hey, I'm not taking anymore crap outta you!  
  
RANDOM PUNKS: Excuse us but we think Cham are really cool!  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: Get out! (She throws them out and gives a spooky smile to Larva)  
  
LARVA: (Whispers to Girl #2) What a freak!  
  
Larva is sitting at home, surfing the web.  
  
LARVA: (Singing) I'm a blue-haired guy, da ba dee dab a die, I'm in need of a guy (he pauses. Shrugs) I'm in need of hair dye, daba dee daba die.. Hey, what's this here? LARVA'S ROOM? Huh, I guess I could look at.. (He opens the link) Wait a minute! This website has every single detail of what I did today, yesterday and the past days for.. TWO YEARS! Oh and there's lots of nude pictures of me. Wait a second that's not my body!  
  
GHOSTLY LARVA: (From the last chapter) No, it's MY body! You're a dirty little Larva for taking your clothes off and posting them on the Internet!  
  
LARVA: But I didn't do it.  
  
GHOSTLY LARVA: What? You didn't? (Beat) Oh. (Beat) You shouldn't have left Spam.  
  
LARVA: I was never in Spam.  
  
GHOSTLY LARVA: Damn! I got the wrong apartment!  
  
LARVA: Ugh.  
  
Ghostly Larva leaves, only to be replaced by Mr Miyu-Mania.  
  
LARVA: It's you! From the concert! Hey, you also look like Miyu!  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: No way! I wasn't spying on you!  
  
LARVA: I didn't say anything about you spying on me.  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: No? Well, um.. I'm your new window cleaner!  
  
LARVA: Where's the duster?  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: Um.. I dropped it?  
  
GHOSTLY LARVA: (Holding up duster) Is this yours?  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: No but.. Um, yes! It is mine! Thanks! (S/he cleans it's way out of the window)  
  
LARVA: Weird.. Who set up this website anyway?  
  
FIND OUT IN THE NEXT PART OF.. PERFECT BLUE!!  
  
OR NOT..  
  
DEPENDS ON HOW I FEEL..  
  
I GET REALLY SLEEPY AND.. OH! REVIEW PLEASE!!  
  
^__^ Sayonara!! 


	8. Perfect Miyu Two! He he, rhymes

Hello everybody! Hope you like the next chapter of.. Perfect Blue spin-off chapter 8!!  
  
YUI: Or is it? I just don't know anymore, stupid bitch.  
  
LARVA: Now, Yui don't say that. (Larva and Yui stand outside Waterstones)  
  
YUI: What, anymore?  
  
LARVA: No, Yui..  
  
YUI: Shut up, stupid bitch and get me Harry Poo-tter 5!  
  
LARVA: But...  
  
YUI: Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt what?  
  
LARVA: Waterstones doesn't open till midnight.  
  
YUI: I don't care! It's midnight now!  
  
LARVA: No it's-  
  
Larva sits upright in his bed. He looks around, breathing heavily.  
  
Larva sits upright in bed, this time looking around suspiciously. He reaches down the side of the bed and pulls out a kipper.  
  
LARVA: Wait, how did that-?  
  
Larva sits upright in bed.  
  
LARVA: That stupid alarm clock! First, it goes off at 10! Then it goes off at 11! And now it goes off at-  
  
YUI: Midnight! Camawn, get me Harry Poo-tter 5! Someone is supposed to die!  
  
GIRL #1: (LaDemon, remember?) I'm dead!  
  
YUI: Shut the hell up, bitch! (Throws a shoe at her)  
  
GIRL #1: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
YUI: Wait, if you're dead, then why-  
  
Larva and Yui are standing inside Waterstones paying for Harry Poo-tter 5. Apart from the staff and them, the place is completely deserted.  
  
LARVA: Hey, where are all the crowds? The screaming women, the crying babies and where the hell is the Village People?  
  
CHECK OUT GUY: The Village People were booked for a barmitzvah.  
  
YUI: (Whispers) I'm telling mommy bitch you're gay.  
  
LARVA: I don't care.  
  
YUI: Yes you do-oo!  
  
LARVA: No, I don't.  
  
YUI: Do.  
  
LARVA: Don't.  
  
YUI: Don't.  
  
LARVA: Thank you!  
  
YUI: Crap! That usually works!  
  
LARVA: (Sarcastically) Yeah, and so does my ability to stay in a scene for more than 2 min-  
  
Larva is on the set of his new erotically charged thriller, FOR YOUR THIGHS ONLY (note: yes, this is the name of the new Austin Powers movie. I got stuck for ideas, kay?). He is wearing a Basque with lacy bits and a tiny skirt.  
  
LARVA: This is so degrading.  
  
MOLLY: I didn't want you to do it!  
  
LARVA: Then why am I doing it?  
  
MOLLY: Because Robert said so.  
  
LARVA: Who the hell is Robert?  
  
MOLLY: Your other agent.  
  
ROBERT: Hi.  
  
LARVA: I've never met you before.  
  
ROBERT: Well isn't that a coincidence, I haven't met you before either!  
  
DIRECTOR: And action!  
  
Larva gets onto a small circular stage. The lights flash on and Larva starts to do a seductive dance, or as seductive a dance can get when danced by a 8 ft tall Shinma in heels and a miniskirt.  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: (In crowd) Woo! Shake it!  
  
LARVA: This reminds me of Vegas..  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: Shut the hell up! (S/He jumps onto the stage and thrusts Larva down. S/He rips off Larva's miniskirt and pulls of his g-string..)  
  
LARVA: Wait, g-string?  
  
MR MIYU-MANIA: Hey, Larva! We wear the same underwear!  
  
LARVA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
LARVA'S NIPPLE: *Tweaky tweaky* *Squeaky squeaky*  
  
Larva wakes up in his apartment.  
  
LARVA: Bloody alarm clock.  
  
He gets up and walks around. He stops, sniffs the air and pulls the kipper from under the mattress. He strokes it, throws it onto the bed and goes to his computer.  
  
LARVA: Hmm, what shall I visit today? I know! The website that disturbingly knows every single aspect of my life! I wonder if they've updated.. Let's see.. Larva FanFiction. What the hell is that? (He clicks on it) Hey, this stuff is pretty good! Wait, a lemon? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Who am I doing it with this time?  
  
GHOSTLY LARVA: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
LARVA: Next apartment buddy!  
  
GHOSTLY LARVA: Aw, great! I missed my dramatic cue!  
  
LARVA: Hang on a sec, this says I'm in a mental institution. Visiting.. Molly!?  
  
Sure enough, Larva is whisked away to a mental institution where he is visiting Molly.  
  
LARVA: Dude, this is screwed up.  
  
DOCTOR: Well, she's suffering from separate personality disorder. She cosmicology despised the very gerology if your present humdingger.  
  
LARVA: In English?  
  
DOCTOR: She hates you so much buddy that she was pretending to be you! Oh, and she thinks you're fat.  
  
LARVA: I'm just big-boned.  
  
DOCTOR: Yeah, whatever! (He starts to walk away. Larva grabs him by the shoulder)  
  
LARVA: Um, excuse me? I've been having these really weird flashbacks and flash forwards, I never really know who is raping me and I found this kipper..  
  
DOCTOR: Huh, you sound crazy! You're coming with me!  
  
LARVA: No, I'm not crazy!  
  
DOCTOR: That's what the lady who humped my shoe said.  
  
The doctor throws Larva in front of a door. It says 'LARVA'S ROOM' (Hint hint nudge nudge wink wank.. Oh, I mean wink)  
  
LARVA: (As the door swings open) Larva's what?  
  
LADEMON: (Hunched over computer with several revealing pictures of Larva and a big Mr Miyu-Mania mask on the side of the bed) Larva's Rooooooom, impostor! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - Oh crap, not again..  
  
Larva is in his car. A perfect blue sky is reflected in his rear view mirror. He looks up.  
  
LARVA: Oh, this is really me! (He puts his key in the ignition) Wait, wasn't I committed?  
  
LADEMON: (Pops up in back seat) Yeah, but what are you gonna do?  
  
LARVA: Oh shi-  
  
Larva wakes up. He is back in his normal flat with the normal Miyu by his side.  
  
LARVA: Aah.. Wait why are we both naked?  
  
MIYU: That's for me to know and for you to wonder. (She holds up a g- string)  
  
LARVA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
***  
  
He, that was fun. ^__^ Sayonara!! 


End file.
